October 1st, 2013 I awoke with a slight discomfort in my back right side just about where my kidney is. As the morning progresses I realize the pain does not diminish. It is constant, and unyielding for even a second. The point where reality forces its way through my shield of denial happens on my drive to work. The pain is too familiar and undeniable like the smell of that food that once made you very sick. I knew it was another stone but I hoped it would be small and that I could endure the pain at work. I rationalized -- perhaps I could work through the pain, maybe if I worked hard I could distract myself and then the pain would be easier to endure. I'm in IT so there are plenty of things I could keep myself busy with. This line of reasoning was likened to thinking one could endure a pot of boiling water poured over the head easier if kept busy enough. I continued on to work, had my morning green tea, and read a few emails before the pain kicked it up an order of magnitude. Remarkably, I managed to accomplish the task of helping someone on the third floor with an issue she was having accessing a webserver of ours. It was like being in a dream. Maintaining focus on the task while in such incredible pain was a surreal experience. I managed to maintain my composure long enough to make it back to my office, tell everyone I was going home because I was passing a kidney stone, and jump in the car to get home. Just before making it to my subdivision the pain increases another order of magnitude. Its about a 9 on a scale of 1 to 10. It may have been more wise to stop the car then and simply walk the rest of the way home. My eyelids squinched closed from grimacing and wincing from this undeniable nightmare of pain -- my vision and reaction time must surely have been reduced. Nevertheless, I made it home. I don't know why I rushed inside -- as if I could somehow escape the pain and leave it outside in the car. Perhaps I thought the comfort of home might somehow mitigate the pain. I was wrong. I quickly filled a large glass with water and began to sip away. I would have preferred that I knocked back a couple glasses and already be working on my third by now but the pain was so great I was nauseous with every sip of water. I wanted to keep the water on the inside. I knew hydration was the only thing that would push the stone through the ureter. If not then it was going to be the emergency room. Halfway through that large glass of water the pain grew to the point where I could no longer sip. The pain was blinding, not just physically, but blinding in every sense. I had arrived at 10 on the scale -- anymore and I believe I would have gone unconscious. This kind of pain is something that demands attention of your entire consciousness, its so real, so powerful and all encompassing. I'm rocking back an forth with arms clenched in front of me on my couch and my dog Addie alternates between both nudging and resting her nose on my knee. I knew she was trying desperately to conciliate me, but her distraction only proved to be irritating and I had to push her away. An hour of this insanity and finally the familiar prick like needles on the inside and I knew the stone had made its way to the opening of the bladder. It is here that the ureter begins to flare wider and the stones journey becomes unimpeded by the narrow walls of the ureter. Euphoria describes the experience when the stone drops into the bladder. All the endorphins that had accumulated in my blood stream in an attempt to quell the pain I experienced for the past couple hours are only now realized. It might be hard to imagine for those who usually recognize pain in the form of an injury or sickness where pain is something that subsides very slowly as one heals. Once the kidney stone drops into the bladder, the pain simply stops completely. It's like being reborn with a new and modified sense of well-being. Colors are vivid, everything is bright and happy, and life is great. Well-being has now become something much more respected, admired, and appreciated.
I understand my graphic portrayal is something many people will find difficult to read -- perhaps even offensive. But, not documenting the details of this incredibly real experience would not do the story of this stone any justice. It seems I'm destined not only to find rocks, but produce and give birth to them as well. No, I do not love my stones, I'm not proud of them, but they are very significant to me. Even relating them to trophies would diminish their true significance.
Ironically I finally ended up passing the stone out of my bladder (without pain) while at Graves Mountain on October 3rd, looking for rocks outside my body. At least I wasn't coming home empty handed.
5 x 2 mm.